Fear Of Commitment?

Me?  Surely not.  Men on sitcoms have Fear of Commitment.  Fear of Commitment is the punchline to a joke.  How could I possibly be suffering from such a thing?

Okay, obvious difference: I’m not talking about having fear about committing to a romantic relationship.  I am all about committing to my significant other.

I am, I think, afraid of committing to an idea about my career future.  Lots of things seem like good ideas.  None of them seem like Perfectly It.  I’m afraid of choosing a wrong path, so I’m not choosing any path.  I know this isn’t smart.  I know it.  I don’t want to regret a decision, but now I’m regretting not making a decision.  I’m keenly aware of time racing by.  As I sit on the fence, I get older and older.  I could have done something by now! I think.

Other examples.  I haven’t committed to the books I’m reading.  I read all of What Color is Your Parachute? but I did, like, one of the exercises.  And halfheartedly at that.  I started reading I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was.  I am reading ahead, not stopping to do the exercises and really think things through as I go.  I’m not committing to it.  I’m not committing to shivanata.  I was all excited about it for several months before I bought the DVD.  Now I’m not giving it my best.  And I’m not seeing the results I wanted to see.  And those things are probably not unrelated.  I think I must be avoiding this stuff for some reason.

But what is it?

What am I so afraid of?!?

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